Papaw's Patience

Last season the twitter-verse exploded with opinions on Tom Izzo when he yelled at his players... some ripped his tactics and others supported him calling out people who thought differently as "soft." I honestly haven't concerned myself with forming an opinion about Coach Izzo, but it did prompt me to evaluate how I build relationships with players and also to observe other coaches.

I did reflect on my Papaw - Walker Pittman.... Truly one of the best leaders that the US Army National Guard has ever seen. I just happened to be lucky enough to be born into his family.

The ONLY time my papaw whipped me was when I ran away...... it was a summer afternoon and I ended up being the only grandkid at their house that day. As a 10yr old and being the 2nd youngest of all the grand kids, there were times I was passed over on doing things. (Taught me perseverance through frustration 🤣). That summer afternoon I was bored, and without telling my grandparents, decided to go down the hill a half mile to my cousins house. When I got there she wasn’t home, but I didn’t want to go back to my grandparents so I went across the road to my cousin's neighbor.

At this point, I’d heard my Papaw and Mamaw yelling for me. Surely they were frustrated, but even more so scared. Yes I could swim, but there are a few ponds scattered around the area and their minds started drifting to the worse. Determined not to spend the day alone, I hunkered behind a row of hedge bushes when I heard his putt-putt truck coming down the road. I didn’t quite make it out of his sight and after spotting me, he called for me to come over to him. I dusted myself off from laying on the ground and paced slowly toward the road.

While I wasn’t sure of the punishment, I could tell by the tone of his voice it wasn’t going to be an easy one. What I didn’t realize at the time is the greater life lesson he taught me. Other than the obvious of scaring them half to death, he didn’t immediately dole out my punishment. Instead, he told me to get in the truck and he shared how much his heart had been hurt by what I had done. We pulled in their driveway, he placed the truck in park, and killed the ignition then he looked over and said to me “you scared us and I am angry. I am going to whip you, but not right now while I’m angry.” He then told me to go around back and hang out.

I’m not exactly sure how long but at least an hour later, I picked out my switch and got the only whipping he ever gave me. Until recently, I always thought of that day as “the time I ran away” or “the only whipping I got by Papaw,” but as I think back on the lessons he taught me, this day is one of the most significant. That afternoon I had ignited the worst possible fear inside of two people that loved me the most outside of my parents. No matter how brief it was, the thought had came across their mind that I was gone - possibly forever. Because I was being a kid, wanting to see what’s up in the rest of the neighborhood, I had unintentionally hurt him and my Mamaw. As hurt and scared as he was, he displayed his love for me. He chose to wait. I never thought to ask him why, but knowing the type of teacher he was, he wanted to make his intentions pure. He didn’t want to harm me because I had hurt him or scared my Mamaw. He wanted to chastise me in hopes that I would learn from it.... not to make me feel pain just because he felt pain.

In coaching so many times, I see coaches yell immediately after players make a mistake. Sometimes it is warranted and there is a built-in relationship that fosters an environment of trust, but sometimes I think coaches are more worried about how the players mistakes make the coach look and can exude their power. Maybe we could all use a little more of my Papaw’s patience. I am not suggesting we let mistakes slide, I’m only proposing that basketball isn’t life or death and we can take the time to think and reflect before we get nose to nose with a kid on the sideline. Ask if we can get our message across without yelling in moments of anger.

These questions can be asked too...

We hear coach-speak all the time about helping develop young adults for life.... what profession has superiors that yell demands? Military and oilfield possibly...

Does your Athletic Director or President yell at you?